Author Archive

Posted on May 23, 2012 - by jennifer

Let’s Lay…

I found myself in the mindset of wanting to talk about intimacy in a different way…And while writing Let’s Lay (which is split into two pieces) I realized that sex and intimacy are such taboo subjects…we seem to be scared to have opinions or acknowledge that we are sexual beings. And I think it’s ONE of the reasons so many adults and children (yes children) are having sex prematurely, for the wrong reasons and confuse what should be intimacy with what is just a physical act.

Just think, when Sade sang so beautifully, “You’re ruling the way that I move, And I breathe your air,” she was talking about a closeness that everyone longs for…an intimacy that’s indescribable. It’s the most special type of relationship possible because it’s defined through genuine feelings, emotions and love.

The first part of Let’s Lay is below. To read the rest, you must visit www.writerjns.blogspot.com. Hopefully this provides a shortened, clear picture of intimacy, in a unique format for all you grown folks in the building.

Peace,
JNS

Let’s Lay

I want to lay with you.
Trace your lips with my fingertips
Hold your hand
Cuddle
Fall asleep
Talk
Wrap myself deep inside your arms
Sleep some more
Rest my head on your chest
Be silent,
Allowing the absence of words to live in the air
Eyes closed
Enjoying each other’s presence
Wallowing in quiet
Desirable
Comfort,
Right before we…

Posted on May 15, 2012 - by jennifer

To vote or not vote?

I heard a black preacher on the news yesterday say that he would NOT vote at all in the 2012 presidential election because President Obama agrees with same sex marriages.

That was truly an interesting comment especially when it seems to be the sentiments of so many religious leaders…

While I “understand” how some people in the church have an issue with gay marriage, I believe that we focus on one thing that we perceive to be right or wrong and fight tooth and nail for or against it. In this case church leaders are condemning same sex marriage, when in fact there are gay preachers perpetrating a fraud, molestation by leaders, embezzlement of funds, adultery, etc, etc, etc all going on in the church right now. Is one sin [or perception of sin], greater than another?

And why is it important for the black church to take a stand and do the same thing that has been done to black people since the beginning of time? The bible has definitely been used as a base for supremacy over others and here we are in 2012 doing the same thing.

Personally I’m a little disappointed with the outrage…especially when someone is closed-minded and says I won’t vote at all because I disagree with one opinion. I really think that if you don’t vote in this IMPORTANT presidential election because you don’t agree on this one topic, then you need to reevaluate why you were voting in the first place. Obviously you don’t care about or understand these candidates’ platforms. Whether you accept it or not, this world is evolving. And the interpretation of the bible is always going to be up for discussion and perceived differently by everyone who reads it. If you don’t vote or vote for one candidate over another, I hope it’s for the right reasons…

I won’t harp on this but this subject goes beyond just the bible, religious leaders and right VS wrong…this challenges our perceptions about how we feel about the lifestyles our children (and theirs) will be exposed too, how we perceive people we “consider” to be different from ourselves, looks at how open and comfortable we are in our own skin, it tampers with religious teachings and where we draw the line [so to speak] and adds fear about how this world is changing and progressing. Regardless of what you’ve been taught or you’ve read, in this country, where so many have fought for freedom and equality, is it only for a select few or should it be extended to everyone?

JNS

Posted on May 4, 2012 - by jennifer

Can men and women just be friends?

Can men and women just be friends? Simple answer: HELL NAW! More complex answer is yes but there is a caveat…there has to be an understanding of what that friendship entails. In other words, boundaries must be established.

It’s been a long time since I passed along my number to a guy who looked at me from across the room or street or wherever and said I just want to be her friend. Why? Because you can’t look at me and know my heart or what’s going to come out of my mouth…but you can tell from a distance if you like what you see. Getting to know more, stems from that first thought.

In college, school and on the job, it’s easy to develop friendships because you’re in a setting that calls for interaction. You get to know people beyond the physical attraction, under circumstances that sometimes force closeness. But there is something very simple that can be surmised from all encounters and friendships…the word LIKE.

When you become friends with someone, there is something you like about that person – even in the most innocent aspect of the word “like” you still like them. For example you like their personality, beliefs, similarities to your own life, differences, which are complimentary, etc…like then transforms into trust. You divulge personal feelings and experiences. You become comfortable. Take a moment to think of your one or two closest friends (same sex or not)…aren’t they people you genuinely like?

Let’s add another very important variable…time. Yes time. Time definitely contributes to the dynamics of friendships. Time builds upon all those things I’ve mentioned above. All the things you find attractive in someone are only enhanced by time. Time contributes to frequency of interactions and intensifies the personal nature of conversations. Yes time can alter the way friendships grow and how they turn out.

I’m not saying men and women can’t just be friends but I am saying that it’s hard to keep someone you’re attracted to in the “friend” box. And once one person has those feelings that are beyond friendship, it’s hard to revert back.

Let’s just be honest, most people, especially in my age bracket (even much younger and older), aren’t looking for any more friends. I’m not saying that it won’t happen because it will, men and women will end up in the dreaded “friend zone” but if by chance you’re teetering about how you feel about your friend, be honest with yourself. Is it worth risking a friendship or is the attraction worth it all?

SN: there is so much more to this topic…but it’s 3am so I think I’ll end for now.

Good night people!
JNS

Posted on April 16, 2012 - by jennifer

Friendship…

Friendships are probably the most undervalued relationships in the world. Why? Because we feel like friends are always supposed to be there and more importantly most of us never think our friendships should change…we have expectations of our friends that are unreasonable and at times unrealistic but what we must understand is that friendships are relationships and if not nurtured, they fall apart…

Let’s start with the feeling of entitlement we have towards our friends. We think that even through horrible attitudes, complaining, neglect, forgetfulness and ridicule, our friends should simply take it…why: because that’s how you are? As adults, don’t use “this is the way I am” as a reason to treat people any kind of way. It’s unfair and is not an excuse. Most friendships remain strong and stand the test of time because of the bond and love you have and show to that person. But just as in any relationship, you abuse it and you lose it.

Now, what about the issue of change…As scary as change is and as much as we resist it, change happens. Not all change is bad change but just as you’re growing and learning, so are the people you feel closest too. As we get older we forget that everyone has their own life to live. While that’s not a reason to stop communicating or become distant, it is a reality. Friends grow apart. Friends become jealous of one another. Friends are spiteful and do hurtful things. Sometimes, friendships just fall apart and other times we push people away all because change is around the corner…but true friendship allows change to enter the building, and figures out how to accept it without losing the person who has been in their life the most.

Truth is, I don’t have the same type of relationships with my best friends from high school. We don’t talk very often, we have our own lives in different places and have new best friends, but when we get together, we talk for hours as if no time has passed at all. And if they needed me for anything, I’d be there. The fact that we aren’t like we used to be doesn’t matter to me…just knowing that we still love each other as we did is enough. Besides, circumstance has brought me closer to other people who are able to love and support the woman I have become and am continuously growing into.

Friendship is defined online as 1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. 2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter. 3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile, etc. My definition of a friend is this: A person who is and has stuck with you through some real shit, kept your secrets, cried with you, laughed at you, protected you, prayed for you, told you the truth about yourself when needed, treated you right [at times better than you deserved or treated them], and loved you through your attitude, pettiness, and stubbornness without judgment. And despite the length of time it’s been since you talked, if you called today, they’d still treat you like you never lost touch. If you have one or two of those people in your life, hold on because just as true friends are the most undervalued people in the world, they’re also the hardest to find.

B-E-Z my friends!

JNS

Posted on March 23, 2012 - by jennifer

Trayvon Martin